Real Life Spooky Tales

Soulless spirits summoned from the netherworld roam the earth on Halloween night, enlisting lost souls in their goulish army and striking fear into those who refuse to submit to their will. OK, it’s just costumed kids looking for a sugar fix at the door, but read Dave T. Hardy’s new book, “I’m From the Government and I’m Here to Kill You: The True Human Cost of Official Negligence,” and I guarantee these real life spooky tales will force you to check under your bed, twice, before you turn off the lights and retire.

What’s really scary is the fact you won’t find it in the fiction section, either. Hardy documents the true stories in frightening detail, and explains how Americans met government-approved final fates in tales as recent as Operation Fast and Furious—leaving behind a body count that continues to rise after “public servants” cooked up a drug cartel gun-running scheme.

Tales of Death and Destruction

The lack of accountability after Ruby Ridge will make your hair stand on end. Revelations from Waco—including the fact that arrests could have been made without a shot fired—still gives me the creeps. That chapter’s title pretty much gives away the plot though, “Waco, Texas: It’s Showtime.”

Hardy knows a thing or two about the inner workings of our government. For 10 years he worked as an attorney for the Interior Department’s Office of the Solicitor in Washington, DC. In 1975 he was admitted to practice before the Arizona Supreme Court and in 1980 received the same privilege from the Supreme Court of the United States. He has argued and won constitutional challenges under the First, Second, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth and Tenth Amendments.

He speaks with legal authority—in a lively fashion that’s a pleasure to read—when he explains how 600 innocent residents of Texas City were killed through no fault of their own in 1947. There’s also a science-gone-wild chapter, in which officials withheld medicine in Tuskegee, AL, just to see what happens to the victims. Did residents get the same protection as the military when we tested our first atomic bombs? Searching for an answer as to why, “The Department of Veterans Affairs Kills Veterans,” as he puts it?  Did the government add poison to alcohol that killed people during Prohibition?

Download it Trick or Treat Time

Hardy covers all that and much more in his book, “I’m From the Government and I’m Here to Kill You,” which is available from as a Kindle download or in hard copy. They retail for $14.74 and $17.18, respectively.

I’ve known Hardy for more than three decades and have had the honor of working with him on a variety of articles. He’s knowledgeable, oozes patriotism and a diehard supporter of the Second Amendment. This is his fifth book, and despite the fact he’s already written one New York Times best seller, I think this chilling tale is his boldest and best yet.

Fake Gun News

The stories are real. Don’t take our word for it, just hit the links. But when news items break like this meet a fertilized imagination, fake gun news grows. Guy J. Sagi and Fear and Loading take no responsibility for skewered election results or BBQ mishaps.

Apple Shortage

In a development that could threaten fall bobbing, demand for Washington State apples abroad has strained stateside supplies. Consumers are being warned to expect hauntingly high prices as Halloween approaches.

The shortage remained unexplained until an industry insider uncovered a recent rash of the treat’s exports to Asia. “Nine out of every ten apples are currently being shipped to China, particularly the oversized hybrids,” her report said. “The good news is they seem to prefer the flatter-bottomed, tarter varieties, so there are plenty of golden and red delicious to go around for America’s Halloween festivities.”

Recently declassified government documents indicate there’s a grim reason for the shipments. “This Chinese military video indicates its special operations teams practice shooting apples off the heads of subordinates who karaoke,” it states. “And because there’s no shortage of these specially trained warriors [the shooters, not the singers], we recommend the fruit be included in the list of strategic minerals and materials to limit and better monitor exports.” The heavy legislative docket would seem to indicate that trick won’t be possible until the 2018 legislative session.

CIA Denies Involvement

Intelligence sources abroad have determined it was Kalashnikov Concern’s live-fire demonstration—which shows militarily dressed operators pretty much breaking every rule of gun safety on this planet and those regions of Mars with intelligent life—that was responsible for the mysterious deaths of an entire battalion of ISIS terrorists last week. “The warning ‘not to try this at home’ wasn’t included when it was originally posted, despite the use of live ammo,” a former OSS agent hiding in Lesotho, who requested anonymity, said. “Terrorists dropped like mall ninjas trying to emulate the dangerous moves and it didn’t stop until they ran short of cartridges.”

And Finally in Fake Gun News: Fully Funded Retirements

Russia and China have released annual reports that indicate their respective military retirements are fully funded and secure. Members of their armed services who live to the age of 90 can expect to receive full benefits. Oddly, a similar announcement came out of the great white north after it was revealed the Royal Canadian Mounted Police travel with unsecured grenade launchers.

Signs Someone Has a Hidden Gun

Photographers have at least one thing in common with self-defense enthusiasts. They know the ability to notice the smallest detail can be a formidable weapon, a fact emphasized by a 2015 study  based on images and video of Russian President Vladimir Putin’s “gunfighter’s gait.” It’s yet another of the signs someone has a hidden gun.

There are other “ticks” a lawful citizen can recognize to buy them a lifesaving second or two if the unthinkable happens. The nuances are also important to gun photographers recreating criminal encounters, although there’s no lack of “self-proclaimed expert” advice out there.

The U.S. Department of Justice’s “Violent Encounters: A study of felonious assaults on our nation’s law enforcement officers” provides an authoritative list of signs someone has a hidden gun. Published in 2006, it includes the results of two previous studies and some frightening perpetrator statements. I’ll spare you the hair-raising stories and distill to the point.

Leather and kydex give them a rash

Those of us with carry permits may find this strange, but none (as in zero) of the criminals interviewed used a holster. That’s a huge difference from lawful citizens and advantage because that lack of retention, “…may have made their actions more exaggerated or noticeable, or it may have affected their behaviors in varied but related ways,” according to the study.

Body language

• Hand checking—Without anchoring in some way, the urge to tug on, touch or adjust that gun is constant. “These acts become most observable whenever individuals change body positions, such as standing, sitting or exiting a motor vehicle,” according to the report. When running, a criminal will often hold the gun in place and citizens should watch for those hands chronically diving into a pocket.

• Jock itch—“Many offenders in the three studies revealed that they purposely transported weapons in their crotch areas…because of the reluctance of officers to thoroughly search this location,” the study said. Coupled with the above-mentioned urge to check an unholstered gun’s location/orientation, problematic itching is a giveaway.

• Blading—When approached, someone trying to minimize detection of an illegal gun will often turn their body to shield it from detection. One of the felons interviewed added a scary twist with, “Because they can’t see what I’m reaching for, I get that extra second.”

Telegraphing attire

• Sagging—“Normally, personal items, such as wallets, keys, pagers, and cell phones, do not weigh enough to cause a pocket to hang substantially lower than the one on the opposite side.” Jackets droop or swing like a strong-sided pendulum when walking unless supported by a quality holster of some sort.

• Improper clothing—Coats in the heat, jackets open to winter precipitation, and, “Similarly, if a man is wearing a dress shirt, dress pants, and dress shoes, why would he have his shirttail hanging out?” the study asks. It also warns that criminals will often carry a gun under a coat or item draped over their arm.

• Hoodies—“One offender in the current study stated that he had several friends who carried firearms in their jacket hoods,” the report warns, noting hoods not worn during rain and snow might raise an alarm for officers.

Putin, Russian, Gunfighters Gait, Signs someone has a hidden gun, Guy J. Sagi, Fear and Loading
Photo courtesy of Russi


The handoff

“Twelve percent of the male offenders in the same study [‘In the Line of Fire’] reported giving their handguns to females to carry for them when approached by law enforcement officers.” In general, the females also preferred storing their guns in places that will minimize chances of frisking. Ninety-two percent of the criminals interviewed carried their weapons somewhere in the middle torso—crotch, back, side, chest or belly.

If the unthinkable happens, retired Border Patrol Agent and Gunsite Rangemaster Ed Head said your observation should include another focus. “I always looked at their eyes, face and neck,” he said. “People tense up before they launch and you can see this as their eyes narrow or squint, their facial muscles tighten and their carotid arteries in the neck throb as their pulse quickens.”

The power of observation could buy a split-second advantage in a fight for your life—hopefully enough time to come home safely to your family and loved ones. The study, and Putin’s gait, are also things gun photographers/editors should keep in mind. Accurately depicting the average encounter reinforces the lifesaving information our readers and fans deserve.